A Day At The Beach:
“Babeee! Come into the water!”
“But if I go in, I won’t tan as much!”
“Come on! Please?” Harry gave you the look he knew you couldn’t refuse.
“I hate you,” You said, trying to sound upset.
“Noooo, you don’t.” He gave you a peck on the cheek, before grabbing your hand and running towards the water.
“Oooh guuurl,” Louis says with a hint of amusement. “That bathingsuit? Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmmmmmm.” You laugh, and strike stupid poses.
“C’mon, Louis! Race you to the water!”
“Last one there is a rotten egg!” You started runnning a bit before he did, so when he caught up to you, he picked you up, twirled you around, and splashed you into the water.
“Louis!” You say, coughing up some water. You laugh and push his head down into the water.
He responds by picking your legs up from under you bridal style and shaking his hair at you.
“Put the sandwitch down, Niall. I wanna make a sand castle!”
“Gufin, bby!” He said, stuffing his face as quickly as possible.
“What?” You ask, laughing.
“Going, baby!” He informs you, swallowing the last of the sandwitch.
You guys walk over to a empty spot, with a hole in the sand. You two sit inside the little bowl of sand, and build some mud pies and stuff.
“Hey, Niall!! Look what I found!” You tell him enthusiastically, pointing beside you.
“What did you find, princess?” He questioned, looking as happy as happy can be.
“THIS.” Once he was close enough, you dumped some mud on his head.
“Oh, you’re gonna get it now.” You blow him a kiss as you run into the water.
Since he didn’t know how to swim, and he didn’t want to try to learn in front of every one with cameras, you guys were just sitting there enjoying the sun.
You were teaching him how to swim in his own pool, but he was still nervous around anyone else.
“But, you’re good!” You tell him.
“I know, but I just don’t feel like I’m ready..” He tells you, looking up at you.
“Okay, babe. It’s fine. Wanna read?”
“Yes! Read to me?” He asks. It was kind of your thing. You guys would pick a book, and would switch off reading out loud to each other.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” You tell him, kissing his forehead.
“No! The water is FREEZING!”
“I will get you in here, even if I have to pick you up and throw you!” He says playfully.
“Liam James Payne!”
“[Y/N]! I’m coming for you..” He slowly makes his way to you, and you have no where to back up to.
He grabs you, picking you up, and throws you over his shoulder. He runs to the shore, getting deep enough so you wouldn’t get hurt, and drops you in, falling with you.
You come up, sputtering water.
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“I had to get you in here sometime, love.”
“Yeah? Well!” With that, you start a water fight.
This preference has self harm, DO NOT READ if this offends you in any way. If you do self harm or are thinking about it, don’t ever hesitate to message me. I know what it’s like. Love you all! -Christina xx
Just one more time. One more time. He won’t even notice. It’ll be small. Just under my bell button. He doesn’t look at my belly button, does he? I doubt it. Okay. I hope he doesn’t get mad. You’re frantically trying to find a voice of reason in yourself, but you can’t. You can’t help it. The frustration and sadness had taken over and you were beyond reasoning. You press the cool blade against your lower stomach, slicing deeply. Shit, shit, shit! That was deeper than expected.. But it felt so good.. You wipe your fingers, feeling the blood in your fingers. The last thing you thought before you passed out was What have I done?
“Am I asleep, am I awake or somewhere in between? I can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me.. Or did I dream that we were perfectly in twined, like- like..” The soft voice of the singer broke before it regained itself and started again. “Like branched on a tree, or twigs caught on a vine…”
Your eyes rolled open and you took in your surroundings. The room you shared with Harry. Your bed under you, strong arms holding you. You looked up to see Harry’s beautiful eyes worried, filled with water. He was singing softly to you. The song was one of your favorites and he had once dedicated it to you.
“[Y/N], you’re awake..”
“Please don’t be mad.”
He shifted away from you, untangling his arms from your body.
“I’m worried.” He whispered, looking into your eyes. “This is the third time.”
“I know, I am too.” He sighed, gathering you up in his arms again.
“We’ll get help, [Y/N]. I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t.” Your voice cracked, and all you could do was cry.
“I love you, [Y/N]. I’m not giving up on you.”
“Damn it, [Y/N]! Just, go away.”
He’s stressed, he’s stressed, he’s stressed, are the words you keep telling yourself when Louis gets into these moods. Right now he’s dealing with management breathing down his neck, Eleanor trying to get back with him, Larry rumors, tours, and working on the next album. He wasn’t normally this mean, and he usually vented to you. For some reason today was different. It didn’t help that today was your one year “sober” from cutting. Louis had been saying how you guys were going to celebrate how strong you were, but in the morning he seemed to have forgotten. It was already 11:3O at night and you had lost all hope for celebration. Everything seemed to happen badly on that day. Your parents announced they were getting a divorce. People who you thought worshiped each other were getting divorced. Your best friend told you she was moving away, and Louis was too caught up in himself to realize you needed his shoulder to lean on.
You locked yourself in the bathroom and found your shaving razor blades. You dropped it on the floor and stomped on it, breaking it into pieces. You picked one up, your breaths coming out short and your heart beating wildly in your chest. You exposed your scarred arm and sliced. It was only when Louis barged in did you realize you had done more than just one cut. Your arm was bleeding wildly and your tears where streaming down your whole face.
“[Y/N]! Stop! What are you doing?! Let’s go to the hospital. NOW.”
“No, baby girl. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so caught up in myself to realize how badly you needed me. I should have known. You were sighing a lot, you weren’t joking, or even talking much. I knew the signs and I ignored them! I’m such a terrible boyfriend!”
“Baby, baby, stop. Stop blaming yourself. This isn’t your fault. I should have been stronger. You deserve someone stronger.”
“No, you deserve someone who will put their issues aside and help you.”
“You deserve the same.”
“I guess we’re both a little at fault here, aren’t we?”
“I guess we are… Louis, I promise I’ll try my hardest not to let this happen again. But we have to make sure we communicate.”
“I promise, love. Let’s get you home.”
You got up from the chair, holding your bandaged arm in your hand, vowing never to do this again.
“Baaaby! You ready to go?”
“Yeah, give me a second!”
You plastered the band aid onto your wrist. You felt guilty for doing it, once again. It was like every time you decided to harm yourself, it was a good idea, but then afterwards you felt guilty and disgusted with yourself. You had a couple on each arm, so you needed to put the band aids on before Zayn got impatient and came for you.
“Babe, what’s taking you so- [Y/N]! What the hell is this?!”
“Zayn.. I - I um. It’s- I.”
“[Y/N] are you hurting yourself?”
“No Zayn, I’m covering myself in lines of ketchup.”
“IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?” Zayn’s voice boomed, every inch of the walls bouncing the sound waves back to your ears.
“Zayn, I’m sorry, I just didn’t-“
“No, [Y/N] this isn’t even remotely funny. How could you joke about this?! I thought you had stopped!”
“I did! I had! It’s just, you were gone for so long and things were just going so wrong and I didn’t know what to do, and it just happened!”
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore, [Y/N]…”
“Then LEAVE. I don’t see anyone in this room begging you to stay.”
He did, he left. You sank to the floor, throwing the blades and band aids in opposite directions, not wanting to do anything except curl and cry.
~ Two hours later ~
You were still on the floor of the bathroom. You hadn’t moved an inch since you had laid down on the cool tile floor.
“Shit - [Y/N]. Come here.” Zayn’s voice drifted into your ear drums, but you couldn’t move. He left. Why was he back? You heard a choking sound, then a cracked sob. “Baby, shhh, baby.”
That’s when you realized that sound was you.
“I’m sorry I left, I’m so so so so so fucking sorry. I was being stupid and angry at the comment you made. But I’m not leaving. I’m staying. I’m going to help you through this. I’m going to hold your hands and kiss every scar. I’m so, so sorry for leaving. I love you so much.”
You opened your mouth, but decided that words weren’t needed.
You nodded, looking into his eyes. He slightly smiled, and rocked you to sleep.
Before you slipped into darkness, though, you felt the overwhelming urge to tell him one thing.
“I love you too, Zayn.”
If there was anything other than Niall to make you feel good, it was this. The feel of the cold, dull blade against your skin, making smooth into damaged. It was one of the better feelings in the world that you had given up, because it was dangerous. Maybe that’s one of the reasons you couldn’t seem to stop no matter how hard you tried. It’d been a couple months since you last did it. You were seeing a therapist once a week, but today you just broke. Everything wrong just came crashing down ten times worse than any other day. Noramlly, you’d just come home, cuddle with Niall and vent and cry. But not today. He wasn’t here. He was at an interview a couple towns over.
There. It stung, but it was a good sting.
The door bursts open, “BAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!! I’m baaaaaa- [Y/N]?! What’s going on?”
You covered your thighs by rolling your white shorts down some.
No good, they were white. The thick blood seeped through, making everything pretty obvious.
“Baby..” Nialls breathtaking blue eyes, were now a heartbreaking watery blue. “Why?” He whispered. “Why?” He repeated.
“Niall, it’s just all so much.. I just don’t know what’s going on. Everything’s happening so fast and it’s like I can’t breath.”
“I’m here, I love you.”
“I love you too, princess.”
You spent the rest of the night venting and cuddling, and kissing.
“Babe. Baby. Li. Liam.” You stumbled across the hall way, light headed from the blood loss. You went too deep. Way, way too deep.
“I think,” You gulped. “I need to,” You took a breath. “Go to the emergency room.”
“Why baby?” He turns in his chair, noticing the way you were talking.
You black out. You could hear faint, “Baby, stay with me. Stay with me, baby. [Y/N] please don’t leave me. Please. I need you. I love you.”
You wake up in the hospital.
“Water,” You croak.
“Here you go baby.”
You look up to Liam, handing you a cup of water.
It was silent. So, so silent. You could hear the beat of your heart. It was so quiet you thought you could hear Liam’s thoughts. It was hard to explain but you knew you had to.
You started to explain and he put a finger up to your lips, “You don’t have to if you aren’t ready.”
You nodded, and talked about irrelevant things.
~ Two weeks later ~
You sat him down, “I”m ready, Liam. I’m ready to tell you what happened.”
“Before you tell me, I need you to understand something. I know you’re scared, but nothing you are about to say is going to change anything. I love you, and I’m going to keep my ears open. That’s what I want you to know. This isn’t going to alter my view of you.”
You’re visiting London fo the first time and you’re super excited. Also, you’re going to your first One Direction concert.
You can’t decide on what to wear so you’re in the hotel room with your friend, clothes scattered all over the room.
“What about this?’ You ask, looking yourself over inthe mirror.
“Paola, you look amazing. Just like you did in the other 5O outfits.”“Thanks. I’m just super nervous. I hope Liam looks at me,” You laugh at yourself for even hoping he would. There’d be so many prettier girls there, you thought. Wishful thinking.
You looked in the mirror again, deciding that was your ourfit for the night.
“WOOOOOOHHH!” You scream with all the other crazed, hormonal and obsessed fans as Liam starts,
“You’re insecure, don’t know what for…”
You’re in the front row and you’re getting chills from the boys singing. Liam looks over at you (or so thats what you’re thinking, hoping). Harry starts on his part and Liam is still staring at you. After a bit of a stare down, he smiles real big and contiunes on with the show. His eyes constantly go back to yours.
After the show you’re washing your hands in the bathroom, and you realize there’s no more paper towel. You walk out and start patting your wet hands on your pants. You’re lookig down when someone bumps into you.
“I’m sorry!” The accented voice travels to your ears.
Looking up you say with a smile, “It’s okay.”
“You’re that girl from the front row.” Liam says, recognizing you.
You start to blush as he says that.
“Do you have a name?”
“Paola.” You say smiling and laughing nervously.
“I’d love to get to know you better. Can I have your number? I know this seems forward but there’s something about you…” He trails off and you smile,
“Sure, hand me your phone.” He hands you his phone and you enter your number and as your name you put SomethingAboutHer♥
“Well, I gotta go, my friend is waiting for me.” You tell him, handing his phone back.
You kiss his cheek quickly and walk away. As you’re getting into your car, your phone buzzes. You open the text from a random number,
“Hey beautiful -Liam x” it reads.
You guys text, and plan to go on a date the next day.
And that’s how your relationship with Liam Payne started.